SpecialNeeds.com

"I don’t want a boy like that in my class," writes Ms. Linden upon hearing that she is to be my son Neal’s teacher.  A boy like that!  My mind goes to lyrics from West Side Story, "A boy like that �" he kill your brother... forget that boy, and find another…"

For so long children with autism have been ignored, discounted, bullied, and feared.  This lack of understanding is sad for so many reasons.  There is the obvious pain and isolation that misunderstanding causes kids and their families.  Less obvious, is the loss of what we, the so-called "typical" folks can learn from those who perceive the world differently. 

What if we were to look at those with autism as developmentally beyond us, not behind us?

Business people are always on the look out for executives who can think outside the box.  Many autistics don’t even know that there is a box!  Temple Grandin revolutionized the livestock industry; Albert Einstein (many professionals today would diagnose him with Asperger’s) is heralded as one of our greatest minds, to say nothing of all the brilliant "geeks" in Silicon Valley.  Did you know that before Temple Grandin was recognized for her abilities, she was kicked out of schools, and professionals and family members suggested putting her in an institution? Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was over four years old and thought an imbecile? Hard to imagine.

At The Miracle Project, a theater and film program that I created for kids with autism and other special needs and their typically developing peers, there are kids with all kinds of abilities.  Some have perfect pitch; while others are master lyricists, write songs, poems, or rap.  Nonverbal autistics, who when taught to type, write extraordinary prose.  We applaud their exceptional abilities and applaud the other kids who are excited about their friend’s enjoyment in expressing their special talents.

I’ve learned so much from Neal and others with autism. I’ve learned to experience the world with a heightened sensitivity that allows me to appreciate Creation in such a profound way. Simple tasks can take on an almost spiritual quality. For example, there was a time when I would try to go on a walks with Neal and he insisted that we stop at every single hubcap attached to every single car on every street. I used to say, "Come on, let’s go," and we’d have a battle. One day, I stop with him, kneel down, and stare at the hubcaps. What I see is the most beautiful thing: the sun falling on a hubcap creates a kaleidoscope of brilliant, shining shards of light. They are magical! After that day, Neal never needed to stop and look at hubcaps again, and most importantly, I grew in compassion and understanding.

There is this myth that children with autism do not have empathy. I have found the exact opposite to be true. Children with autism are the most highly sensitive individuals I have ever had the privilege to know; they just express themselves differently. If Neal likes you, he may "smell your hair." If he finds you to be insincere, he will walk away or throw something. Kids who may bite and kick during their school day, come to our classes and talk about friendship and how sad they feel when bullied. At Nes Gadol, a religious education program that I co-created, children and teens discuss their concerns for our planet and the importance of recycling. I’ve met kids who are very spiritually connected and talk of G-d and the universe in a way that would make mystics take note.

Yes, there are the difficult challenges of autism: the tantrums, the delays, the frustrations. I do not want to minimize these. Nevertheless, if I dare look at all behaviors as communication, I can see that these actions are trying to tell us something. Perhaps the world is too loud, too fast, and too toxic. And it is we, "the neuro-typicals," who need to take a step back and reflect on what we are doing. Perhaps our children with autism are here to teach us to look at the world with a different set of eyes, a new perspective, and find the joy, the love, the value in pure, simple creative connection.

By embracing a child who experiences the world differently, we can create a more compassionate world. By seeing everyone as an important piece in the puzzle of life, our planet can evolve to a place of kindness, decency, and serenity. And a "boy like that" can bring out the best in all. Teachers like Ms. Linden are missing an important piece of that puzzle.

You all know the expression, "It takes a village to raise a child?"  I believe in this maxim, but I would add, "It takes a child with autism or other special needs to raise the consciousness of a village."