Seeing the world through my eyes is amazing for several reasons, but it’s also been one of my biggest challenges. For most people, all sound information projects up to a certain part of our brain, the auditory cortex.
For me, all information turned into images and pictures, which caused big distractions and prevented me from listening.
I wasn’t properly diagnosed with Asperger’s until age 48. My psychologist recommended Neurofield treatments. These would allow my brain to heal and help me become mainstreamed. The first thing the doctor did was to get my history. Though there is no solid proof, my doctor believes that I had PTSD since birth. We do know my mother had an accident when she was 7 months pregnant with me. She fell hard on an icy road and broke her Coccyx, and sprained her lower back. It is possible I was born with a concussion.
He then took a brain map – this is a picture of my brain and what shape it was in. My frontal lobe was in high beta. That means it was very hot and going about 5 times faster then average. When he then took an EEG of my brain waves, he could not see very many alpha waves. This is extremely important, why? Alpha waves are the reason we can sleep deep, be mindful, listen, rest, etc., all those things that are important for human beings to be able to relate to one another. When your brain is going 5 times faster then others around you, well let us say one of my many nicknames was “Ricochet Robin.” It is difficult to communicate when you have no ability to listen. Add the fact that I was seeing pictures shooting out of everyone’s mouth, instead of words, made it difficult to have conversations, much less relationships.
As I told you in my first blog, I grew up in a farm. My parents put me in charge of feeding and cleaning up after the chickens, pig, lamb, and geese. I was always awake before anyone else so it worked out well for the family. I didn’t sleep much, so it was great to have something to do so early. It can be extremely lonely when the rest of the world is asleep and you’re the only one awake.
One of my favorite memories is walking my blind pet chicken. It was a little hen that never reached her full size. I always found her hiding under the straw and I named her PIN, she was Rhode Island Red and had the softest feathers I ever touched. Since my sense of touch was also completely sensitive, I loved anything soft.
My mother used to call me ”Princess and the Pea”. Most of the fabrics my mother made my dresses out of were itchy. She loved to dress me in cute little frilly girl dresses. I would take my brother’s jeans and t-shirt, stuff then in my backpack, and before I got to school I would change in the field near the playground and stuff my dress in my pack. I would have to change before I got home so my mom would not find out. One day she scolded me and said she was never dressing me nice again because I would come home all wrinkled up. Boy was I relieved I got to have my own jeans and t-shirts.
This brings me to how my stories were formed. Many of the images I would see, became the characters in my stories. My grandparents told me such wonderful stories and soon my world was filled with creatures of all kinds. Most of them became a fairy of some sort or another. I will never forget, (something else wonderful about my brain, I have eidetic memory — the ability to recall images in great detail after only a few minutes of exposure). When my grandfather scolded my little brother, Bobby, for throwing a rock at me. He picked up the rock and said, “Poor little rock, did that boy hurt you?” He placed the rock on our picnic table and told me that even rocks had feelings. He believed all creatures had purpose and deserved respect. From that moment on, I began to give all these things names. The rock that my grandfather saved, I kept. I called him “Clump, the Rock Fairy” and he could change shapes, expand and contract, and camouflage!
This character made the cut for my novel, coming out this fall. For me, the world was a wonderfully colorful place, filled with adventure around every corner!
The way I saw the world around me may have been great when I was home or with my grandparents, but at school, that was an entirely different scenario. Stay tuned for next time when I begin to tell of how really difficult being “Special” can be.
I like to always encourage others to allow their true creative self and to, SHINE! If you know someone that has a different way they view the world, please try to be patient with them, you never know who they will grow up to be! You may be sitting next to a true genius and not even know it! Einstein was probably an ASPIE 😉