Your manager says everything's fine. When you ask how you're doing, you get vague reassurances. When you bring up promotion timelines or skill development, the conversation shifts. You've started to notice that your non-disabled colleagues get regular check-ins about specific deliverables, constructive notes on presentations, and clear paths to advancement. You get "you're doing great" and nothing actionable.

This is more common than you might think, and it's not a reflection of your potential. Managers often avoid honest performance discussions with employees with disabilities because they feel uncertain or worried about overstepping. The result is that you're left navigating your career without the feedback that allows everyone else to adjust, improve, and grow.

You deserve the same honest performance conversation as anyone else. And with the right approach, you can create the conditions for one.

Why Your Manager May Be Avoiding This

It helps to understand what's likely happening on the other side of the desk.

Many managers believe that giving honest feedback to an employee with a disability could expose the organization to an ADA complaint. They worry that naming a performance gap might be interpreted as discrimination, especially if you've disclosed a disability or requested accommodations. So they soften the feedback, delay it, or skip it entirely, thinking they're doing you a favor.

They're not. And most of them know it, even if they can't articulate why the situation feels uncomfortable.

When you understand that your manager's evasiveness is usually about their own uncertainty rather than your performance, it changes how you can approach the conversation. You're not walking into a conflict. You're offering them a way to do their job well. That tends to be a much easier conversation to start than you might expect.

Starting the Conversation

Don't wait for an annual review. Request a dedicated conversation about your performance and development, and do it in writing so it's easy to say yes to.

A simple email works:

"I'd like to schedule time to discuss my performance, areas for development, and how I'm tracking against expectations for my role. I want to make sure I'm clear on what I'm doing well and where I can improve. Can we set aside 30 minutes this week or next?"

This framing signals that you're looking for the same feedback everyone else receives, and it gives your manager time to prepare. That preparation reduces the anxiety that leads to evasion.

If your manager responds with "everything's fine" or deflects, be warm and persistent:

"I appreciate that. I'd still like to schedule time to talk through specific examples of what's working and where I can grow. Honest feedback helps me do my job better, and I want to make sure I'm meeting your expectations."

The phrase "honest feedback" names what's missing without accusing anyone of withholding it. Most managers respond to it.

Making the Most of the Meeting

When you sit down, come prepared with specific questions. Open-ended prompts like "how am I doing?" invite vague answers. Targeted questions make it harder to deflect and help your manager give you something you can use.

Ask:

• "What are the top three areas where I'm meeting or exceeding expectations?"
• "What's one thing I could improve in the next quarter?"
• "Are there specific projects or deliverables where you'd like to see a different approach?"
• "How does my performance compare to others at my level?"
• "What would it take for me to be considered for a promotion or expanded role?"

If your manager gives general positives without identifying any areas for growth, a gentle reframe can open things up:

"I appreciate the positive feedback. That said, nobody's perfect, and even high performers have areas to work on. What's one thing you'd suggest I focus on to keep growing?"

This normalizes feedback as something all employees receive, not something reserved for people who are struggling.

When the Feedback Feels Vague or Off

If your manager gives you feedback that's too general to act on ("be more proactive," "take more initiative"), ask for examples.

"Can you give me an example of a recent situation where you'd have liked to see me be more proactive? That helps me understand what you're looking for."

If the feedback contradicts something they said before, or doesn't quite match your understanding of your role, say so directly and without defensiveness:

"I want to make sure I understand, because in our last conversation you said [X]. Can you help me see how these fit together?"

Managers who are uncomfortable with these conversations sometimes give feedback that's inconsistent or doesn't correspond to documented expectations. Asking for clarification is engaged follow-up. It's what good employees do, and it signals that you're taking the feedback seriously.

Document What You Hear

After the conversation, send a brief email summarizing what you discussed:

"Thanks for meeting today. Just to confirm, here's what I heard:

• I'm meeting expectations in [A, B, C]
• You'd like me to focus on improving [X]
• Next steps: [specific action you're taking]
• We'll check in again on [date]

Let me know if I missed anything or if you'd like to clarify further."

This does a few things at once. It creates a written record of the feedback you received, it forces your manager to correct any misunderstandings before they compound, and it establishes an expectation of regular check-ins. If your manager doesn't respond to the email, that silence is documentation too. It means your summary went unchallenged.

When Your Manager Still Won't Engage

If you've requested feedback more than once and you're still getting vague reassurances, it may be time to involve HR, framed not as a complaint but as a request for support:

"I've been trying to get clear performance feedback from my manager so I can continue to develop in my role. I'd like HR's guidance on how to approach this conversation or whether there's a structured review process I should be using."

HR has a stake in ensuring that performance management is applied consistently. Framing this as a development request rather than a grievance makes it easier for them to intervene constructively.

You might also consider requesting peer or 360-style feedback. If your organization already has this in place, ask to be included. If it doesn't, you can propose it:

"I'd find it valuable to get feedback from colleagues I work with closely, in addition to your input. Would you be open to a 360-style review, or can you suggest colleagues whose perspectives would be helpful?"

This gives you additional data points and shifts the conversation without directly confronting your manager's avoidance.

If the Feedback Touches on Your Disability

If your manager raises performance concerns that seem connected to your disability or accommodations, it's worth addressing directly and calmly:

"Can you clarify whether this performance issue is related to my disability or my accommodations? If it is, I'd like to discuss whether there are additional accommodations that would help me meet expectations."

Managers sometimes conflate disability-related challenges with performance gaps. If you have ADHD and your manager flags "organization issues," that may be a disability manifestation that accommodations could address, not a performance problem in the traditional sense. If the issue is genuinely about job outcomes, your manager should be able to describe it in terms of specific, observable work, not symptoms.

If the feedback points to accommodations that aren't quite working as intended, that's useful information. You're entitled to request modifications or additional supports, and a performance conversation that brings this to light is a productive one.

For more on navigating performance reviews with a disability, read How to Navigate Performance Reviews and Advocate for Advancement When You Have a Disability.

FAQ

Can my manager refuse to give me performance feedback?

Not legally. Employers are required to apply the same performance standards and feedback processes to employees with disabilities as they do to all other employees. If your manager consistently refuses to engage, that's a performance management failure that HR should address.

What if I get honest feedback and it's negative?

Honest feedback, even when it's hard to hear, gives you what you need to make real decisions about your work and your career path. Positive-only feedback that isn't accurate can feel safer in the moment, but it prevents you from addressing real problems before they become much bigger ones.

Should I mention the ADA when requesting feedback?

Only if the conversation calls for it. If it becomes clear your manager is avoiding feedback specifically because of your disability, you can say: "I know you might have concerns about ADA issues, but I'm entitled to the same performance feedback as everyone else. I want honest input so I can do my job well." Naming the dynamic directly without making it a threat often defuses it.

What if the feedback feels discriminatory?

Document it carefully. If feedback references your disability rather than job performance, or if it holds you to standards that others aren't expected to meet, that's a pattern worth tracking. Consult with HR or an employment attorney. You can read more about recognizing and responding to these situations in When Your Employer Retaliates: Recognizing and Responding to Workplace Retaliation After Requesting Accommodations.

How often should I request performance check-ins?

Quarterly at minimum. Monthly if you're new to a role, returning from leave, or working on a specific development area. Regular check-ins prevent feedback from accumulating into a surprise review.

Can I request written feedback?

Yes, and it's often useful to do so. Written feedback creates a clear record and tends to be more specific than verbal summaries. If your manager prefers to speak, follow up with your email summary and ask them to confirm or correct what you captured.

Moving Forward

Start with the email. Send it this week, and don't wait for your next review cycle or for your manager to bring it up. Come to the meeting prepared with specific questions, and follow up the same day with a written summary.

Asking for performance feedback when your manager seems hesitant can feel awkward, but it becomes easier once you see it for what it is: you're asking to be included in the same developmental conversations that help every other professional grow. You shouldn't have to justify that request, and you shouldn't have to carry a career forward without the honest input you're owed.